Thursday, April 12, 2012

change, and 7 months

Oh my goodness! I cannot believe I'm already 7 months along! Things are really starting to feel real these days, and its starting to feel a bit intimidating. I wasn't very nervous before, just excited.. but as the days keep creeping on by I feel myself feeling more and more scared. Its just that its only been ben and I for so long now. We are so used to our simple life of me and him. I don't want to sound selfish, but I am being a little selfish I suppose. I love our relationship so much, and it makes me nervous what kind of effect adding another soul will have on it. People always say what a big change we will encounter, I guess its just the not knowing that is freaking me out!

Now, don't get me wrong, we are sooo excited to meet this little one. We have been waiting forever to meet her, and we love her so much already, which is another reason why I get nervous. I let thoughts sneak their way into my mind, especially in the wee hours of the night. Thoughts of what being a mother means, and if I possess the right abilities to hold such a daunting role. I wonder what our children will be like as they grow, and if I can set the right example for them, and if I can keep them going in the right direction of life.

I think the fact that we leave for dental school about a month and a half after she is born is part of the reason so much anxiety has been arising as well.. we still don't have an apartment, and I will have to get a job shortly after arriving, ben will be so busy with school, I really won't see him at all, and I don't even want to think about finding someone to watch my precious baby girl. But I do know that everything will work out. I am a strong believer of this and I just have to have faith in the lord and trust in him for now, becuase I know we are doing what we are supposed to do at this time so that is what matters most. Now I just have to trust that things will fall into place as they should.

I am rambeling a ton, sometimes you just need to ramble. Sit down and just type. I'll leave with a few pictures of me at 7 months.. thanks to my sister lena who sporatically took these at our family easter party!

: . i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart . :
-e.e. cummings

My Blog List